


It's Guy Love, That's All It Is

by limpfishkit



Category: GOT7, SEVENTEEN (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: CHAP 2 IS ABT ALL OF 97LINE, Crack, Dance-Offs, Fluff, Gen, MAIN FOCUS IN CHAP 1 IS YUGBAMKOOK, have not included nct as a fandom bc jaehyun isnt hugely important to the storyline srry bb, mentions of got7 bts seventeen and nct ensembles, not really crack bc im not funny but i tried okay, now includes chatfic, the yugbamkook sleepover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-11 14:50:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10467561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/limpfishkit/pseuds/limpfishkit
Summary: jungkook goes to got7's dorm for a sleepover.





	1. Chapter 1

“Hyung, I’ve got my toothbrush, my pyjamas, my phone charger, my wallet, my spare phone charger, my pillow, extra underwear, and that polaroid of you, I promise,” Jungkook moans. “Can I please just go now? They’re outside waiting for me.”

Seokjin clicks his tongue, unsatisfied. “Hairbrush?” he asks. “Face mask? Sunglasses? All of our phone numbers?”

Namjoon sighs for the nth time that day. “He can borrow anything he needs that he hasn’t got, honestly. He’s also an adult…” the last part is muttered. Namjoon definitely does not want the wrath of Kim Seokjin turned to him.

“Well…” Seokjin seems reluctant but after the horn honks again and Jungkook’s phone pings once more, he figures it’s too late for him to ground the boy and keep him at the dorm. “Fine. But you’re not going before I get my hug!”

“Hug?” Taehyung lifts his head up from Hoseok’s lap in the adjoining living room. “I like hugs.”

Jungkook faintly hears Hoseok saying “then hug me you dork” before he is pulled into the crushing vice-like grip that is a hug from Kim Seokjin. The man may not look like it, but when cuddling he becomes vaguely reminiscent of a boa constrictor.

After a few airless seconds, Jungkook is released, and can leave. He calls out a goodbye to the general dorm population, and practically sprints out the door, not eager to keep his friends waiting.

As he enters the car, Jungkook is greeted with the familiar sound of stupidly loud people making strange noises. Sometimes he hears “CHUCHUCHUCHUUU” and “EEEEAAASSSSYYYYYYY” in his sleep.

“What’s up man,” Yugyeom says in English. Jungkook responds in kind, then holds up his fist. Yugyeom bumps it. Bambam dabs. They share a look and nod as Got7’s manager starts the car.

“What took you so long?” Bambam asks. Jungkook feels bad referring to him by his stage name, but the boy in question has assured him that it's been his nickname for years and he's very happy with it, so Jungkook obliges. 

“Seokjin hyung.” All three of them sigh. Yugyeom and Bambam probably not because of Seokjin, more likely Jaebum or Jinyoung. “He hugged me and I think I nearly died.”

“Dude, I totally get that. I can’t go back home without Jinyoung hyung coming to the airport with me! He stays in the car when we get there, but still…” Bambam trails off. 

“Didn’t he cry in the car the first time he went with you?” Yugyeom asks. “He always has red eyes when he gets home.”

“Probably. Anyway, Kook, some of the members are gonna be there today, but they’ll probably mostly leave us alone.”

Jungkook feels his chest tighten up a little at the idea. “Who, um… who will be there?” 

“Mark hyung, Jackson hyung and Youngjae hyung. Jj project are supposedly at the JYP centre ‘working’ but I’m pretty sure they’re going on a man-date. Or at least they’ll be in the same room staring at each other when they think no one’s looking,” Yugyeom sniggers.

Bambam catches Jungkook stiffening. “Don’t worry about the seeing them, you know what they’re like. Yeah, Jackson hyung might stick around for a bit, but he’s still getting over that cold he had, so he’ll probably fall asleep after like an hour, if he’s even awake when we get there. And Mark hyung will be busy taking care of him, plus he doesn’t talk anyway.”

“And Youngjae hyung will probably stay in his room with Coco, I think he said he was going to call his mum today. He’ll definitely come out for food, though. Maybe we can bribe him to make us some…” Yugyeom finishes. Jungkook still can’t get used to the way the two seem to think in such synchronicity – half the time it’s almost like they’re telepathic. 

Bambam switches to some unrelated topic rather quickly, something a fan tweeted him, and the rest of the car ride passes quickly. Got7’s new dorm is much closer to Bangtan’s than their last one was. Jungkook will be the first of 97 line to see this new dorm, and with the way Yugyeom and Bambam have been bragging, he’s pretty excited (he’s also excited to make Minghao jealous). 

 

 

They managed to avoid meeting any members on the way into Yugyeom and Bambam’s shared room, for which Jungkook is thankful. He’s not good with people he doesn’t know well. The Got7 hyungs are very kind, but he just gets tense and feels very awkward, no matter what. The quick view he had of the living area was nice – they had a pretty view overlooking Gangnam and a lot more room to hoard all the fan gifts they couldn’t get rid of. Got7 were notorious for that, and Jungkook is mildly judgmental of how messy it is, but then realises nothing is worse than Namjoon hyung.

“Welcome to el casa di Yugbam,” Bambam proclaims as they walk in.

Honestly, it looks pretty much the same as their last dorm, minus the door to Jinyoung’s room. A bigger room, but they’d pushed their beds right together with only the smallest gap so they could talk quietly into the night without waking anyone up. There were a few more plushies scattered around, and the wall was still decorated with pictures, the collection now spreading. Jungkook notices a few with himself included, and beams.

When Yugyeom turns off the overhead lamp, pale yellow fairy lights hang from the ceiling like stars.

“It’s cool, right? Bambam should totally take up interior design,” Yugyeom says.

“It’s really cool, Bam,” Jungkook half-whispers. It’s hard to decorate his room at his own dorm – they don’t have time and he wouldn’t know what to do anyway. He feels like he’s looking at the night sky.

“Right? You should see Jaebum hyung’s room, it’s a total mess. Want something to drink? No alcohol, I’m not dealing with Yugyeom’s drunk ass again,” Bambam asks. Yugyeom makes a small noise of indignation, but shuts up when he sees the look on his friends’ faces. 

“Some water, please,” Jungkook requested. 

As Bambam leaves, he turns the lights back on and Jungkook shrugs off his shoulder bag.

“Anyway, we were thinking we’d push the beds together and all sleep on there, Bam said it worked when he went to Seventeen’s. That good with you? I think we have a futon somewhere if we don’t all fit.”

“Sounds good. Your beds are bigger here, right?”

“Yup.”

“Can’t wait till we get to move,” Jungkook groans as he flops down on Yugyeom’s bed. Bambam walks back in and tosses him a water bottle. “Like, I love my hyungs, but personal space would be nice, you know?”

“Not really, we’ve always roomed together,” Yugyeom laughs and motions to Bambam. “Jinyoungie hyung doesn’t really count. But sometimes I miss having him there.”

“It was nice having a bathroom right there, at least,” Bambam chips in. “Plus he cleaned up after us sometimes. By the way, I talked to Mark hyung – turns out Jackson’s feeling a bit worse today, so he’s not getting out of bed, and we’ve pretty much got the house to ourselves.”

Yugyeom and Jungkook look at each other.

“Wii bowling?”

 

 

“God damn it Jeon Jungkook, how the hell are you so good at this?” Bambam wheezes from the couch. “I’ve never lost Just Dance to someone that badly.”

Jungkook shrugs. “Determination. And Hoseok hyung.”

Bambam straightens. “You two have to have a dance off! Right here, right now! The two maknaes of the two best idol groups of Korea! The showdown of the century!”

At that moment, Youngjae walked out, coco in his arms. Jungkook tensed again. Youngjae was slightly different to the other hyungs, as he was still part of maknae line, but he always seemed… so much more mature than Yugyeom and Bambam. Youngjae gasped when he saw the TV.

“You’re playing Just Dance?” he asked, pouting. “Without me?”

Yugyeom laughs. “Just one round. Do you want to play the next one?”

Youngjae sighs dejectedly. “Nah, I can’t. Mum wants me to try college again, so I’m looking into online courses. I might stay and watch a bit, though.”

“Oh, you can help me mc the dance-off!” Bambam exclaims. Jungkook fights the urge to sing Macklemore, but Yugyeom clearly does not.

“I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DANCE OFF,” Yugyeom belts out, before being violently shushed from the other side of a wall. Bambam giggles, and Youngjae looks at him quizzically.

“Jackson hyung’s sleeping, that was Mark hyung,” he explains. “Anyway, are you staying?”

“Is a dance off a good idea then?” Bambam shrugs unhelpfully. “Sure, why not. I’m making coffee, anybody want some?” The three youngest decline, and Youngjae leaves again briefly. During his absence, the area is cleared, and Bambam makes the contestants turn away as he chooses the song. Youngjae returns and bursts out laughing.

“Imagine if we did a vlive of this,” Yugyeom muses. 

“It’d probably break the app,” Jungkook replies. He’s not focused on the conversation though, he’s in the zone. He must win this. For Bangtan, for Busan, for his mum. For Hoseokie hyung. He will win.

Otherwise, if his members find out, he might not get let back into the dorm tomorrow.

“I’m gonna video it and send it to the chat,” Bambam says. “Actually, Youngjae hyung, can you film it please? I have to mc.” Youngjae is amicable, and begins.

 

 

“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE FIRST ANNUAL MAKNAE-OFF! WE BEGIN THE NIGHT WITH THE DANCE-OFF, A CHALLENGE BETWEEN KIM YUGYEOM OF NAMYANGJU AND JEON JUNGKOOK OF BUSAN. I AM YOUR HOST, KUNPIMOOK BHUWAKUL BAMBAM OF GOT7. CONTESTANTS, PLEASE INTRODUCE YOURSELVES!”

“What’s up everyone, I’m Kim Yugyeom, aka Yugyeom Tuan, aka Gyeomis Brown, aka the maknae on top, aka giant baby, and I’m here to destroy this weak-ass punk! I can’t swear out loud cause Youngjae hyung’s here and I don’t want to taint his innocence, but you’re going down, John Cook!”

“WOW SO AMAZING! YUGYEOM IS AGGRESSIVE FROM THE GET-GO, YET ALSO RESPECTFUL AND CARING FOR HIS SECOND-FAVOURITE HYUNG! I KNOW I’M IMPRESSED, HOW ABOUT ALL OF YOU IN THE AUDIENCE? MOVING ON TO OUR NEXT CONTESTANT, LET’S GO TO JUNGKOOK!”

“Hi everyone, I’m Jeon Jungkook, aka the golden maknae, I’m not on home turf right now which is going to make my destruction of this lanky noodle even more painful for him! Shout out to Naruto for teaching me how to run like a cool guy and to Taehyungie hyung for making me watch Naruto with him!”

“AND WITH THAT, IT’S TIME TO START THE COMPETITION! SEND YOUR VOTES FOR THE WINNER TO 1800 4685463 25464, HASH TAG ANT EMOJI FOR YUGYEOM AND HASH TAG MUSCLY ARM EMOJI FOR JUNGKOOK! LADIES, PLEASE FACE THE SCREEN! TODAY’S DANCE-OFF WILL BE DONE TO THE TUNE OF WATCH ME (WHIP) BY SILENTÒ, AND THE PLAYER WITH THE HIGHEST SCORE COMBINED WITH HIGHEST NUMBER OF VOTES WILL GET TO BE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CUDDLE PILE TONIGHT! ON YOUR MARKS… GET SET… DANCE!”

 

 

“Okay you might have destroyed us both at Just Dance, but TAKE THAT YOU INSOLENT TURD! I AM THE SUPREME MASTER OF MARIOKART!” Bambam screeches in Jungkook’s ear.

“Yeah Bam, but you know you can’t beat Mark hyung,” Yugyeom muses, mouth full of pizza. “I don’t think he does anything else with his life when we’re not promoting.”

The three of them were in various states of disarray on the couch, crumbs everywhere and empty coke cans littering the floor. Jungkook was still staring at the TV screen in disbelief, Yugyeom was upside down with his head hanging inches off the floor and his feet (in socks) high up on the wall. Bambam was lounged across the two of them like Kate Winslet in titanic, head resting on Yugyeom’s lap.

“But… how?” Jungkook asked, dazed. “No one’s THAT good at rainbow road…”

“Think again, binch,” Bambam declares. And I can totally beat Mark hyung –”

“No you can’t, Bam, you’ve been trying for five years now,” Mark himself says, exiting Jackson’s room. “Also, it’s nearly 2 am – Jaebum and Seokjin both just texted me to make sure you’re all in bed. I will cover for you on the condition that you go to bed now and that Bam makes me food within the next 24 hours.” 

There is a chorus of groaning from the youngest Got7 members, which is met with Mark telling them they have ten (10) minutes before he tells Seokjin to come over and beat their asses. Jungkook practically falls off the couch in his rush to get to bed. Yugyeom and Bambam take significantly longer than he does, with their limbs getting tangled and actually falling onto the floor and taking time to moan at Mark, telling him to stop being such a hard-ass dad.

Eleven (11) minutes later, they are settled in bed(s), Jungkook in between his best friends.

“I still can’t believe Seokmin voted for Jungkook, the cheating bastard,” Yugyeom grumbles as he checks the 97-line group chat. “At least Jaehyun is loyal.”

“To be fair, Yug, you couldn’t stop laughing and had a shit score anyway, so it wouldn’t have mattered even if he had voted for you,” Bambam said boredly, also looking at his phone.

Jungkook snorted. “Bam, has anyone ever told you you’re a shitty person to talk to when someone’s upset?”

“Jimin might have mentioned it, why?”

“No reason.”

Yugyeom stretched out and flopped his arm over Jungkook, his hand hitting Bambam in the chest, causing said boy to choke on air. “Oops.”

Jungkook takes his phone and starts playing some music.

“So, gossip time?” Bambam asks when he recovers. 

“Gossip time,” Yugyeom and Jungkook sigh in unison.

 

 

Jungkook wakes up to the sound of Got7’s latest title song blaring. He feels Yugyeom’s arm leave him and grumbles something incomprehensible that could mean ‘come back’ but could equally mean ‘the bee movie is the most disturbing thing Bambam has ever made me watch.’ When Yugyeom’s arm returns and the noise stops, Jungkook stops grumbling and snuggles back into Bambam’s chest. Bambam shifts, tangling his leg with the others’. They return to sleep.

 

 

“You guys need to wake up, Seokjin’s been calling Jungkook for the last hour and he’s now threatening to castrate me if I don’t return him soon,” Mark calls through the door. 

The three lie there, disoriented and groggy but aware that Mark would probably not be impressed if they let him get castrated. Jungkook sits up first, and Bambam whines, missing the body heat.

“Let go, Bam, we all need to get up anyway,” Yugyeom sighs. “we’ve had Jungkook for almost a whole day now.”

“Can’t Bangtan just move in with Got7? We can make room for you guys,” Bambam says, barely intelligible at this time of day. 

“I don’t think you want us moving in with you guys, Bam,” Jungkook sighs, clambering out of bed. “We don’t need an extra set of parents each.” He grabs his toothbrush and heads to the bathroom, Yugyeom following. Bambam appears to be going back to sleep.

A while later, Jungkook has answered Seokjin’s calls and Bangtan’s manager is on his way to pick up him up, Seokjin in tow. He’s had a quick shower and brushed his teeth, but still doesn’t want to leave. It’s not often he gets to hang out with people and not think about work at all, and he loves Yugyeom and Bambam almost as much his Bangtan hyungs – it’s been over a year since the three of them have been able to spend time together outside of schedules.

“Have you got everything?” Bambam asks Jungkook, the Thai boy having woken up surprisingly fast while he was in the bathroom. He looked more awake than Jungkook felt, and he was still in pyjamas.

“I think so. But I can probably come back and pick anything up that I did leave,” Jungkook responds, checking his phone again. There’s another message from Seokjin hyung – it’s just full of heart emojis. Jungkook is going to be constricted again, he can tell.

“WAIT!” Yugyeom comes rushing into the room. “We have to take the picture!”

“Crap, I can’t believe we nearly forgot! Both of you, come lie down on the bed!” Bambam cries. He jumps out of bed and rushes to their dresser, grabbing the polaroid camera sitting on top of it. He then flings himself back into bed next to Jungkook, who has Yugyeom on his other side, making a Jungkook sandwich. 

It’s tradition – whenever anyone in 97 line hangs out with Yugyeom or Bambam, they take a polaroid, and it goes on the wall in the pair’s bedroom. Normally they do stupid poses representing whatever they did that day; for instance, there’s a picture of Bambam, Minghao and Jaehyun doing high fashion poses from the day when they went shopping together. There’s one of Jungkook and Yugyeom next to each other, mid-throw, from when they went bowling.

“Just smiles today,” Jungkook requests. They all pull their cheesiest grins, and as Bambam takes the picture, Jungkook’s phone lights up with a message from Seokjin, who is waiting outside Got7’s dorm.

Yugyeom sighs. “I guess you have to go now, then.” 

Jungkook doesn’t want to go. Well, of course he wants to go see the Bangtan hyungs, but he’s had so much fun the last day. He gets to feel like a kid again when he’s with Yugyeom and Bambam, and he hasn’t really felt like a kid since before he was a trainee.

Apparently, all this is showing on his face, because Bambam and Yugyeom share a concerned glance. 

“Hey, Kook, we’ll see each other again soon, yeah? We’re close to getting out licenses, you know, and then we can hang out all the time,” Bambam says.

“Besides, you’d get sick of us if you were here for another day,” Yugyeom grins. “And you’d miss your hyungs.”

Jungkook smiles. “You’re right. Thank you. For everything.”

Yugyeom pulls him into a bear hug, and after Bambam lets out a quick ‘eww’ he joins.

 

It’s in the car on the way home that Jungkook receives a text from Bambam. It’s a picture – of Jungkook’s polaroid of Seokjin, sitting on the wall next to the threesome’s picture from that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt write this for you i wrote this for me because i n e e d m o r e y u g b a m k o o k
> 
> thanks for reading!! hope you liked it, was super fun to write something kinda light hearted for once :P 
> 
> (also, i am considering writing a standalone chat of 97 line's reactions to the dance off as a second part of this. be prepared: if i do, it will not be good, it will not be funny, but it will make me happy)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which minghao gets the sads and mingyu gets bullied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nicknames:  
> double b = bambam  
> BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES = mingyu  
> husbando = dk/seokmin  
> wifeo = jaehyun  
> CASHMEOUSSIDEmingHOWBOUDAH = minghao  
> yug = yugyeom  
> bun = jungkook

**bam + minghao + sidehoes**

 

4:58 am

 **double b:** !!!!!!!!!!

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** SHUT THE FUCK UP ITS 5AM WAT THE FUCKING FUCK

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** FUCK

 

 **double b:** !!!!!!!!!!!! (whispered)

 

 

6:02 am

 **wifeo:** donT SWEAR

 

 

7:19 am

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** *heck

 

 **wifeo:** better.

 

 **double b:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **yug:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **yug:** this is bam btw there wasnt enough space in my message for all of them

 

_| **yug** has changed to **rihannawink.gif** |_

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** rihanna wink.gif

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** ,,,,,,,,aite

 

 **CASHMEOUSSIDEmingHOWBOUDAH:** YOU ARENT COOL

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** u rite but

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** fuk u

 

 

7:47 am

 **bun:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **double b:** whE RE THE FRIKC WERE U

 

 **bun:** SLEPPIN

 **bun:** CHILL

 **bun:** PLS

 

 **double b:** SEND !!!

 

 **bun:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **bun:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **bun:** !

 **bun:** !

 

 **double b:** !

 

 **bun:** !

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** ! (is yug i have my phone again istg bam stop stealin it)

 

 **double b:** ! Um Sorry I Don’t Think So?

 

 **bun:** !

 

 **double b:** !

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** !

 

_[cut for length]_

 

 

9:57 am

 **bun:** !

 

 **double b:** !

 

 **bun:** !

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** mum pls make them stOP

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** IT HAS BEEN HOURS

 

 **wifeo:** they’re excited dear nothing i can do abt that

 **wifeo:** ask your father

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** DK

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** SAVE ME FROM THIS HELL

 

 **husbando:** ok

 **husbando:**  i have a suggestion for u

 **husbando:** take matters into ur own hands

 **husbando:** be the man you claim to be

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** wat do i do

 

 **husbando:** get off ur phone and pay attention in practice

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** u used to be the cool parent

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** wat happened

 

 **husbando:** :)

 **husbando:** get

 **husbando:** back

 **husbando:** to

 **husbando:** practice

 **husbando:** before soonyoung kills us both

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** how come minghao doesnt get yelled at for being on his phone in practice

 

 **CASHMEOUSSIDEmingHOWBOUDAH:** bc i am the golden child and hoshi hyung loves me

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** /sulks/

 

 

11:35 am

 **bun:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **double b:** WE ON DI WAY

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** GIT READY

 

 **bun:** JIN HYUNG IS TRYING TO GROUND ME WAhT DO

 

 **double b:** JUMP OUT THE WINDOW

 **double b:** YUG WILL CATCH U

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** idk man are u rlly worth catching ? :///

 

 **bun:** ://////////

 

 **double b:** we out here!!

 

 

12:03 pm

 **double b:** OI SUCCJIN LET MY BOY GO WE HAVE THINGS TO BE AND PLACES TO DO

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** do ur got7 hyungs let u get away with this

 

 **double b:** ssh this is a safe space

 

 

12:08 pm

 **rihannawink.gif:**  seokjin hyung pls let kookie go we promise we will return him

 

 **double b:** i promise nothing of the sort

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** maybe bam doesnt promise but u have jaebum hyungs no. you can have us murdered if we dont return him

 

 **double b:** dat tru

 

 

12:14 pm

 **double b:** KOOK

 **double b:** R U ALIVE

 **double b:** WE BEEN HERE FOR 20 MIN NOW

 **double b:** IF UR NOT DEAD HOOT ONCE LIKE A BROWN OWL AND TWICE LIKE A BARN OWL

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** he ded

 

 **bun:** OMW I AM FINALLY FREE

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** !

 

 **wifeo:** have fun kids! Let me know when u get there xx

 

 **bun:**  i just got the exact same message from jin hyung what the fuck

 

 **wifeo:** language

 **wifeo:** :)

 

 **bun:** O.o

 

 

12:23 pm

 **CASHMEOUSSIDEmingHOWBOUDAH:** bam i cant believe uve done this

 **CASHMEOUSSIDEmingHOWBOUDAH:** i thought we were friends

 **CASHMEOUSSIDEmingHOWBOUDAH:** /i dyed my hair the same colour as yorus/

 **CASHMEOUSSIDEmingHOWBOUDAH:** /does that mean nothing to u/

 **CASHMEOUSSIDEmingHOWBOUDAH:** /we shared ramen/

 

_| **double b** has changed to **bahm bahm** |_

 

 **bahm bahm:** whos bambam?????????????? idk her

 

_| **CASHMEOUSSIDEmingHOWBOUDAH** has left the chat|_

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** lol

 

_| **husbando** has added **CASHMEOUSSIDEmingHOWBOUDAH** to the chat|_

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** omf that was minghao from dks phone aldkfjvansdc

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** no it was not i am a crusty toe and i want to frickle wonwoo hyungs frack : )

 

 **CASHMEOUSSIDEmingHOWBOUDAH:** o look u finally learned to accept the truth

 

_| **husbando** has removed **CASHMEOUSSIDEmingHOWBOUDAH** from the chat|_

 

_| **rihannawink.gif** has added **CASHMEOUSSIDEmingHOWBOUDAH** to the chat|_

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** weve been telling u this for years

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** yes and minghao is infinitely superior to me

 

 **bun:** ?

 

 **bahm bahm:** lol

 

 **husbando:** the truth aint so hard is it gyu

 

 **wifeo:** my boy is growing up

 

 **CASHMEOUSSIDEmingHOWBOUDAH:** o s HIT

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** death 2 minghao i guess??? idk

 

 **wifeo:** mingyu please don’t kill my son i cannot afford a funeral for him

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** i make no promises

 

 **husbando:** i can maybe pull him off in time for it not to be fatal

 

 **wifeo:**  thatll do

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** DIE FILTHY SCUM

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** TAKE THAT

 

 **bun:** ????

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** FUCK HE ESCAPED

 

 **wifeo:** language !

 

 **husbando:** o rite u guys don’t know what happened

 **husbando:** so minghao knows everyones passwords???

 

 **CASHMEOUSSIDEmingHOWBOUDAH:** yall are so easy to figure out smh

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** I WILL MAKE SURE U NEVER HAVE CHILDREN

 

 **CASHMEOUSSIDEmingHOWBOUDAH:** ull never find me

 

 **husbando:** he in the bathroom

 

 **CASHMEOUSSIDEmingHOWBOUDAH:** WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **wifeo:** sweetie :)

 

 **husbando:** what u stole my phone too

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** WHATCH OUT FUCKER

 

 **wifeo:** mingyu i am only going to warn you about swearing so many times

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** SRY MUM THIS IS IMPORTANT I AINT FOLLOWING ORDERS ATM

 

 **wifeo:** don't make me repeat myself boi

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** *heck

 

 **wifeo:** :)))))))

 

 **husbando:** anyway so he unlocked my phone while i was in the bathroom and then seungkwan helped him overthrow mingyu who kinda passed out on the floor after practice

 **husbando:** so seungkwan held him arms down and then minghao sat on him and took his phone

 

 **bahm bahm:** pics or it didn’t happen

 

_| **husbando** sent 5 attachments|_

 

 **bun:** i look into his eyes and see tru sorrow

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** never has anyone fallen so hard

 

 **bahm bahm:** howd he get free

 

 **husbando:** wonwoo took pity on him and made jun distract minghao then seungkwan got bored n mingyu said hed buy him meat

 

 **bahm bahm:** y r they both so whipped

 

 **wifeo:** I think its nice that theyre so loyal to their partners :)

 

 **bun:** ………….

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** ……………………….

 

 **bahm bahm:** ………………..

 

 **husbando:** …………………………………………………………………………………………………..

 

 **husbando:** sure why not

 **husbando:** yeah theyre gr8 boyfriends

 

_| **CASHMEOUSSIDEmingHOWBOUDAH** has changed their nickname to **old shitty crumb** |_

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** is that rly the best insult u could think of

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** SHUT UP

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** IM TOO #UPSET

 

 **old shitty crumb:** I AM ALSO UPSET I CANT BELIEVE U ALREDY FORGOT

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES** seen 12:40pm

 

 **husbando:** seen 12:40pm

 

 **wifeo:** seen 12:40 pm

 

 **bahm bahm:** seen 12:40pm

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** seen 12:40pm

 

 **bun:** seen 12:40pm

 

 

12:48 pm

 **old shitty crumb:** FCK ALL OF U

 

 **wifeo:** no :) swearing :)

 

 **old shitty crumb:** I DIDN’T EVEN SAY IT

 **old shitty crumb:** sigh

 **old shitty crumb:** *heck

 

**wifeo:**

 

 **old shitty crumb:** double sigh

 

_| **old shitty crumb** has changed to **sadhao** |_

 

 **wifeo:** :)

 

 

1:07 pm

 **husbando:** o ye minghao y r u sad?

 

 **sadhao:** my best frind

 **sadhao:** my Bro

 **sadhao:** my Pal

 **sadhao:** my Chummly Wummly My Dude my Guy my m ATE

 **sadhao:** HAS DECIDED HE NO LONGER CARES ABT THE PERSON WHO WAS ALWAYS THERE FO HIM

 **sadhao:** THE PERSON WHO STOPS HIM FROM MAKIN TRULY SHIT FASHION CHOICES

 **sadhao:** THE PERSON WHO MADE HIM GET HIS EARS PIERCED

 **sadhao:** THE PERSON WHO HE LOOKS UP TO MOST

 

 **husbando:** idk hes still hangin out w yug??? reckon he still cares

 

 **sadhao:** YOU KNOW WHAT

 

_| **husbando** has changed to **billy the bully** |_

 

 **billy the bully:** i am,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 **billy the bully:** so hurt

 **billy the bully:** (?)

 

 **wifeo:** (just go w it it’ll make him happy)

 **wifeo:** oh no dear are u ok?????????? do u need a hug? ? I can be there in maybe 2 yrs???

 

 **sadhao:** :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** lol

 

 **sadhao:** FITE ME YOU FLOPPY CHOPSTICK

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** no

 

 **sadhao:** my life is

 **sadhao:** so hard

 **sadhao:** no one has ever struggled the way i do

 **sadhao:** every day i have to deal with kim mingyu and ?? alone????

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** bitch u loaf me

 

 **sadhao:** seen 1:17pm

 

 

1:25 pm

 **sadhao:** u kno wat

 **sadhao:** y not

 **sadhao:** i need a new bff anyeay

 **sadhao:** gyu u may come to auditions

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** fuck no

 

 **wifeo:** !

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON Itunes:** dad pls help me i Canoot

 

 **billy the bully:** noot

 

 **sadhao:** noot

 

 **wifeo:** noot

 

 **bahm bahm:** noot

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** noot

 

 **bun:** noot

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** fucking useless

 

_| **wifeo** has removed **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES** from the chat|_

 

 **billy the bully:** …savage

 

 **wifeo:** good riddance to bad rubbish

 **wifeo:** how are u feeling Minghao dear????

 

 **sadhao:** jun got me ice cream n were watching chinese dramas

 **sadhao:** but the hole in my heart may never heal

 

 **wifeo:** ahh :(( maybe if u cuddled too?

 

 **sadhao:** stop trying to make junhao happen

 

 **billy the bully:** its never going to happn

 

 **sadhao:** no its gonna happen but not yet ok god mum leave me alone

 

_| **sadhao** has changed to **emohao** |_

 

 **emohao:** tru

 

 **wifeo:** sorry dear :( hope u feel better soon x

 **wifeo:** dk look after the kids i have practice

 

 **billy the bully:** ok

 **billy the bully:** (waits till hes gone)

 **billy the bully:** loL NAH

 

_| **billy the bully** has added **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES** to the chat|_

 

_| **wifeo** has changed to **whos ur mama** |_

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** yaaayayy cool dad is back

 

 **billy the bully:** B)

 **billy the bully:** wat r bedtimes

 **billy the bully:** jimmy ur mom is ded do an order of pizza for dinner

 

 **emohao:** take ur shitty memes elsewhere i am Suffering

 

 

5:33 pm

 **bun:** i AM THE MASTER OF JUST DANCE

 **bun:** BOW BEFORE ME

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** frick yu

 

 **billy the bully:** r yall allowed 2 say frick??? would ur mother approve????? ? do i need to scold u?? all this and more at 7

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** sssh dad let us have peace

 

 **billy the bully:** k

 

 **emohao:** I WILL DESTROY YOU JOHN JONG COOK

 **emohao:** WATS UR HIGH SCORE ON UPTOWN FUNK

 **emohao:** I WILL PROVE I AM A BETTER DANCER THAN ALL OF U

 **emohao:** MAYBE THEN I CAN SHO W BAM I AM WILLING TO TAKE HIM BACK

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** dont u mean hell take u back

 

 **emohao:** no

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** continue

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** no offense minghao (some offense i am also Gud @ dancing)

 **rihannawink.gif:** but guk would rek u

 

 **emohao:** i am,,,,,,,

 **emohao:** Disgusted

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** tru facts only

 

 **bun:** :)

 

 **emohao:** die

 

 **billy the bully:** i can hear him complaining @ jun from 4 rooms away

 

 

5:59 pm

 **bahm bahm:** vote now.mp4

 **bahm bahm:** s/o to youngjae hyung for shitty camera work and mark hyung 4 yelling @ us for bein too loud and waking jackson

 **bahm bahm:** i vote yugyeom bc gotbusim n borhterly love n woteva

 

 **whos ur mama:** what the ufkc did i just watch

 

 **billy the bully:** wow u made ur mother swear

 **billy the bully:** if u count ufkc as swearing

 **billy the bully:** good job kidz

 

 **whos ur mama:** I LEFT THEM WITH YOU

 **whos ur mama:** I TRUSTED U

 **whos ur mama:** AND U BETRAYED ME

 

 **billy the bully:**  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 **emohao:** i vote yugyeom

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** u can stay

 

 **emohao:** bitch try gettin rid of me

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** if i vote for kook will he leave

 

 **emohao:** biTC H

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** worth it

 

 **billy the bully:** hello yes is this hit the stage id like to vote for a mr john cook

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** TRAITOR

 

 **bun:** ma boi

 

 **billy the bully:** i gotchu

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** unfriended, unfollowed, blocked, my mom’s calling ur mom and ur uninvited from my teen queen sweet sixteen summer beach bash birthday party

 

 **whos ur mama:** does this mean i have to call myself

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** yes

 

 **whos ur mama:** this calls for a kermit meme

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** pls no

 

 **whos ur mama:** me: loves minghao more than mingyu

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** rOO D

 

 **whos ur mama:** also me: vote jungkook

 

 **bahm bahm:** the scores are currently tied at two (2) votes each

 **bahm bahm:** our group mother is the tiebreaker

 **bahm bahm:** will he be loyal to his favourite son or will he slip into the meme life

 **bahm bahm:** carat or carrot

 

 **billy the bully:** tune in @ 7

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** stop

 

 **whos ur mama:** I CAN'T CHOOSE

 

 **bahm bahm:** idk then give ur phone 2 another member and make them choose

 

 **whos ur mama:** ok!

 **whos ur mama:** this is taeil or whatever

 **whos ur mama:** i vote slightly shorter tall asshole who's good at dancing

 

 **emohao:** wait is kook taller than yug

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** im 182cm

 

 **bun:** .

 

 **emohao:** telL US

 **emohao:** !

 

 **bun:** .....................................178

 

_| **bun** has changed to **slightly shorter tall asshole who's good at dancing** |_

 

 **slightly shorter tall asshole who's good at dancing:** GET FUCKT BOIS

 **slightly shorter tall asshole who's good at dancing:** CENTRE OF THE CUDDLE PILE

 **slightly shorter tall asshole who's good at dancing:** ETERNAL GLORY

 **slightly shorter tall asshole who's good at dancing:** IVE NVER BEEN THIS PROUD OF MY HEIGHT

 **slightly shorter tall asshole who's good at dancing:** BRING ON THE NEXT MAKNAE GAMES IM READY

 

 **billy the bully:** still weird to me that u 2 are the youngest in ur groups

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** ikr??? like

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** what abt ur chan???

 

 **billy the bully:** bUT THEY ARE THE CHANS

 

 **emohao:** i live with these fucks

 **emohao:** save me

 **emohao:** end my suffering

 **emohao:** i cannot believe the chef won

 

 **slightly shorter tall asshole who's good at dancing:** u best forget bam binch

 

 **bahm bahm:** yall kno yug is my fav rite

 

 **emohao:** sure thing sweetie :)

 

 **slightly shorter tall asshole who's good at dancing:** ye we kno that :)

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** yall can have bam hes a hoe

 

 **bahm bahm:** :(

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** say that to my face you banana peel

 

 **bahm bahm:** im not a banana peel.mp3

 

 **billy the bully:** ..

 

 **rihannawink.gif:** we are literally in the same bed with one person lying in between us i can see you and your stupid head you could have actually said it to my face why did you roll to face away from me like you thought i wouldnt figure out what you were doing and then send this piece of shit quality recording what the fuck you trolled urself im so sick of this shit does anyone want to trade bffs

 

 **emohao:** iLL TAKE HIM

 

 **billy the bully:** you tried star.jpeg

 

 **bahm bahm:** MINGHAO TAKE ME IM URS

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** peace has been restored

 

 **slightly shorter tall asshole who's good at dancing** : :(((((((((((

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** u still got cuddles cheer up baby

 

 **slightly shorter tall asshole who's good at dancing:** :DDDDDD

 

 **bahm bahm:** ya me n minghao r reunited but we out now sleepover gossip time l8er bitches from me + yugkook

 

 **whos ur mama:** i was Otherwise Occupied and feel like i missed sm stuff

 

 **billy the bully:** dw abt it honey  <3

 

 **whos ur mama:** <3

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** waht the heck is goin on there btw r u two doing the do or are u doing it with Emotions or what?

 

 **emohao:** are you actually 20 bc i could swear u were 12

 

 **whos ur mama:** haha no we’re not dating! but not for lack of trying ;)

 

**billy the bully:**

**billy the bully:**

**billy the bully:**

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** u broke him mum

 

 **emohao:** hes sitting in the lounge staring at his phone

 **emohao:** u can poke his face and he doesnt move

 

 **BUY SMILE FLOWER ON iTUNES:** rlly? omw

 

**billy the bully:**

**billy the bully:** this is all leeteuks fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the shitty chatfic has arrived. as promised, this is not good, and it's not funny, but god damn am i happy. soz @ mingyu for making you get bullied so much. it was only edited by me and mostly done at 3am so there will almost certainly be a few mistakes srry ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> inspired by [all out soju war](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9074449/chapters/20636746) by kyrlia which youve probably all read bc its fantastic but just in case: if you haven't read it yet, pls go do that now!!
> 
> tysm everyone who left such lovely comments on the last one!!! and thanks to all of you who read this <3 come yell at me on tumblr [@sweetheartmark](www.sweetheartmark.tumblr.com)
> 
> EDIT: 1000+ hits and 99 kudos?!?!?! you guys are incredible~ i love each and everyone of you, thank you all soooo much! <33333


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